HomeReviewsThe Procession to Calvary
Wot I think: The Procession To CalvaryVery animated
Very animated
Release:Out nowOn:Windows, Mac OS X, LinuxFrom:SteamFor:£8, $10, €9
“Your mileage may vary” is a term writers use a lot because it does a lot of heavy lifting. It can helpfully mean either “I liked it but I can see why others would not”, or exactly the inverse of that. I can’t help but feel, though, that it was a phrase invented for weirdoRenaissance paintingpoint-and-click adventureThe Procession To Calvary, because I think both things about this game simultaneously. (And yes, I know the phrase was clearly invented for cars. But you take my point, please do not darken my door with your pedantry).
The Procession To Calvary is a sequel to developer Joe Richardson’s previous gameFour Last Things, and if you’ve played that, then you’ll know pretty much what to expect from Calvary. It has the same Monty-Pythonish style of animation, using figures cut and pasted from different paintings, the same use of royalty-free classical choons as music, and the same sense of humour.
Watch on YouTube
Watch on YouTube
Calvary begins at the end - the end of a war between the north and south of an unspecified country, to be precise. The north has declared itself victorious, and its tyrannical enemy, Heavenly Peter, has fled back to his basilica in the south. But your player character was rather fond of all the murder she got to do in the war, and makes a deal wherein she is allowed to do one last killin', on Peter himself. Off she clanks in her armour, legs flying amusingly around as she goes.
Interacting with them involves using a radial menu with yer usual Talk, Look At or Touch options, although Calvary has the added option to draw your sword, after which the pointy implement will replace the Touch option. You don’t actually get to use it terribly often (not without consequence, at least), but it’s fun.
Richardson’s writing is both warm and appreciably dark in its humour, and given to asides and footnotes like those you’d find in a Terry Pratchett book. But at the same time, not every joke can land. The couple of times when the fourth wall was broken, for example (with Richardson appearing as God, as creators are wont to do when they show up in their own work), rubbed me decidedly up the wrong way. Calvary, probably unavoidably, features a lot of poking fun at the church and messianic figures alike, but I did sometimes feel like the poke was more like an elbow being dug into my side.
But the exaggerated animation, combined with the often grotesque - yet somehow still remote and bloodless - style of art means that scenes like a hill of crucifixion victims writing and screaming, or a man being slowly turned on a spit over a fire, become pretty funny in and of themselves.
