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Wanted: Dead review: third-person action that’s more dead than aliveSave your money
Save your money
Image credit:110 Industries SA
Image credit:110 Industries SA
Wanted: Dead - Combat ExplainedWatch on YouTube
Wanted: Dead - Combat Explained
I’m going to be frank with you: I have no idea what’s happening with the story. I think it’s about a war between humans and robots, where you’re a member of a police force trying to uncover some corporate conspiracy. It doesn’t seem to tell a story, though? Like, all the cutscenes are largely just hot air or confusing time-skips. And sandwiched between each mission you’re forced to hang out with three dudes, two of which make my brain leak, and one who kicks the leakage about, creating a mushy streak on the floor. Herzog, in particular, is misogynistic and abrasive and – typically – has the most to say. And each time you’re situated at a diner (they spend lots of time in diners), you’re forced to watch some ‘banter’ between the group, as if sitting amongst banter between strangers is a surefire way to understand a group’s storied history. Everyone tells each other to “Shut the fuck up!” a lot. They exhaust me.
I’ve chucked a gif below which shows an Australian narrator barging into one of Herzog’s many insufferable monologues and delivering a history lesson on ramen. The narrator hadn’t made an appearance up until this point and disappears entirely afterwards. At least the food was nicely detailed?
Ithinkthe game wants to be a quirky blend of action and silliness, likeYakuza(or Like A Dragon) in the way those loveable beefcakes veer from seriousness to hilarity. After you’ve endured a bit of ‘banter’ post-mission, you’re often thrown into rhythm games a la Yakuza’s karaoke or a sidescrolling shooter, many of which are pretty fun! But they quickly disappear from memory because they don’t inhabit a universe that’s anything more than a vague cyberpunk city, with a silicone sheen reminiscent of the many shagging sims that dominate Steam’s “New and Trending” feed. A jarring cut to a ramen eating rhythm game may get a laugh, but it can’t be anything more than a hollow chuckle because it’s incapable of any social commentary. How can it? There’s nothing to comment on.
Sometimes you’ll get flashbacks delivered through anime sequences, which are surprisingly good, even if the bar to impress is low. I’d rather the story was told entirely through this format, if I’m honest.
The neat ends above. Without fail, missions are an exercise in clearing waves of samey goons until you reach a slightly more interesting boss at the end. Seriously, that’s all you do. I’d be okay with this setup if carving through said goons was a joyous, complex thing. Unfortunately, you spam one of two or maybe three combos, all the while praying you avoid the agony of being warped back to a stingy checkpoint.
The saddest thing about the game’s fights, is in its tiniest flashes of cool. In the briefest, briefest of moments, you’ll slice a dude in half and maybe lodge a bullet in some guy’s skull in a wombo combo that would make Uma Therman beam. For the most part, though, the game is unsure how to accommodate your skills. You are funneled into fights against guys who pepper you with gunfire, offering you plenty of cover but rarely enough ammo to return the favour. So, you spend much of your energy sighing, hopping over cover, and chasing down clones who offer little resistance when you cleave them down. You can’t do basic things like switch the enemy you’re targeting, so you often swing wildly at whoever the game’s decided you’ve locked onto. Sometimes it actually wants to be a third-person shooter and slasher, yet actively resists these things whenever you try and embrace them.
You’ve got three teammates, who are all largely useless in the heat of battle. Herzog has his own section of the skill tree, which mentions tag-team combos and the like, but I have no idea how you’re meant to trigger them (or if there’s even a way to?). There’s a doctor who revives you once per life, so I suppose that’s nice of him.
I’m genuinely a bit gutted about Wanted: Dead. I really wanted the game to be a stylish hack n' slash romp with a quirky, cyberpunk edge. The result, sadly, is anything but. It doesn’t know what it wants to be! And in many ways, it’s bucket of ideas and force-fed zaniness only serves to make it feel both incomplete and directionless. Save your money folks.
