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The joy of loving Theseus from HadesBeefy bois
Beefy bois
They are all wrong: Theseus is actually the best.
Watch on YouTube
Watch on YouTube
The thing is, “the worst character in the game” is a crucial role, giving players a lightning rod for their frustration - a common enemy to unite around, if you will. Beingthe worstis far more memorable and interesting than being middle of the road, too, and it’s through being the worst that Theseus becomes the most interesting character of all. While all the other NPCs offer up little slivers of backstory each time you meet them, their true nature only revealed after ten or fifty or even a hundred runs, Theseus is exactly who he is right from the start.
If Hades has a flaw, it’s that, compared to the combat, the story can feel boring what with everyone helping you out all the time. The gods are all working with you, the enemies are faceless, storyless entities, and none of the bosses you come up against actuallyresentyou. With Megaera and Hades, it’s much more personal and complicated, Alecto and Tisiphone don’t get fleshed out enough to have a motivation at all, you don’t fight Cerberus as much as distract him, and then Bone Hydra is a really thin snake who screams fire at you. None of them resent you - but Theseus does. And so none of them are as satisfying to beat, and none of them sting quite as badly if you fall to them, as the ultimate bully boy.
If the Bone Hydra beats you, you know it’s because it’s a remorseless creature that lives only to kill. If Hades beats you, it’s because he’s personally invested in ending your escape. The furies are just doing their jobs, really. But Theseus? He doesn’t have a reason to fight you apart from downright disdain. He beats you because he can. Because he wants you to know he’s better than you. And he’s really smug about it, even though he has to fight you with a friend to even stand a chance!
Like the lone shade who supports Zagreus in this boss battle, it’s lonely in the Theseus fan club. But even as you all throw him in the bottom slot of your Hades tier list - often with the rest at the top to make a point - you know there are other characters you’d cut before him. Hating him is just too fun.
Theseus is a vital part of the Hades experience, an underappreciated counterbalance to how much you enjoy the rest of the game. Be honest: you only think he’s the worst because he doesn’t let Zagreus have his own way, and as someone who doesn’t really like Zagreus and the posh way he says “mate”, that only makes me love Theseus all the more.
