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The 9 best magic spells in PC gamesOne Off The List
One Off The List
Hubbish bubbish, rhymes are rubbish, eye of newt and blah blah blah. Gosh, magic is a chore. If only we had a catalyst to… Oh, hello reader, what are you doing here? Well, as it happens, yes, you can help me out. Just stand over here while I scratch these runes around you. I’m trying to summon the 9 best magic spells in PC games, you see. Stand still, please. You won’t feel a thing.
Blood Storm -Divinity: Original Sin 2
Toad -Final Fantasy
Sometimes called “frog”, this is a simple fairytale spell that turns the target into abouncy, wet amphibian. It’s another one of those recurring habits ofFinal Fantasy, to suddenly transmogrify the player into a useless creature and laugh. InFinal Fantasy IVthere are some frogs in a moat, all of whom ribbit at you when you inspect them. Except for one, who just says: “What’s up?” The casual suggestion being that frog life is not so bad, once you get used to it.
Rat swarm -Dishonored
Yes, I am aware of the plague theme developing here. Frogs, rats, water into blood. It’s not my fault all the best spells are biblical. This one is a truePied Piper of a spell, for the hungry rodents you summon are not your common pizza rat. They will chow down on any human flesh they come across in their grand tour of the ground floors. A horrific scampering mob thateats everything, including the boney bits, thus doubling up as both a method of murder and a slow but effective means of corpse disposal. Proof once again that videogames are at their best when you unleash rat chaos.
Scorch -Gwent
Straight-up immolates the most powerful unit on the battlefield. Poof, gone.
Mayhem -The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Quintessential spell of the anarchic trickster.Mayhemis some master-level magick that turns everybody within range into a furious brawler. Afflicted folks will drop whatever they’re doing to attack the nearest person, and this rage will not abate for a full 60 seconds. That is more than enough time for a whole encampment of Imperial troops to wipe itself out through delirious in-fighting. Or you could always use the same chaotic spell to derail acritical peace conference.
Chameleon -Dark Souls 3
There are those who fear the invasion of a PvP player in fantasy die ‘em upDark Soulsthe Third, and there are those who relish the opportunity for a game of hide and seek.Chameleonis a spell that turns you into an everyday object, something that belongs in your immediate surroundings. A pot, a chair, aninconspicuous statue. There is the familiar joy-tension of a game ofprop huntto be felt in the moments when your hunter strolls right past you, slashing all the furniture except for one that would turn immediately human once it is struck. Ha ha, look at that fool, ha ha ha. Oh no, he’s coming back.
Summon Deercoy -Noita
There is alot of magicinNoita. But it’s theDeercoythat stands out. It is simply a deer that attracts the ire of your enemies, do you see? But it also channels the chaotic amusement of the sheep from the Worms series. In other words, the deer explodes.
Branding -Middle-earth: Shadow Of Mordor
High Bolide -Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen
High Bolidegets extra points for sounding the part. It is exactly how a stuffy academic mage would describe this spell. “Oh yes, the principles of High Bolide are contentious among the pan-geomancists,” they would say, bushy eyebrows growing over their spectacles like ivy vines. This spell, however, is better understood in laymens terms, asbig fire rocks wot fall from the sky. Yes, it is a meteor summoning spell. It takes a full 20 seconds to cast. But look at that screenshake. Feel those impacts. Check out that world-destroying power. Excellent work, magic, you’ve done it again.
One Off The List from…
Last week we did a safari ofthe 9 weirdest animals in PC games. But you petitioned for one of these creatures to be put down. It’s…the Warper from Subnautica.
“The Warper is a biomachine specifically designed to be weird in order to cheat its way into that list,” says animal unrights activist “Ethalis”, accusing the malevolent being of being non-natural. “Why would the aliens that built them make them transparent if it was not the case? …Did they really need to make them wear an organic purple cape that has no clear purpose? Did they really need two mouths when their primary way of attacking is their claws? If you allow Warpers to stay on this list, you’re basically just saying that you’re cool with cheating, and then who knows what will happen next.”
