HomeFeatures
The 8 most shocking uses of electricity in gamesOne Off The List
One Off The List
Imagine a world without electricity. Horrible. What would we use to blend our smoothies? How would we know when uncle Derek hits the metal bit again in the Sunday game of Operation? Electricity has roughly one dozen uses, and yet it is in the realm of videogames when we see its most fantastical and offensive capabilities brought screaming to life. To celebrate the important role of sassy electrons in your otherwise mundane life of neutrons and - ugh - protons, here are the 8 most shocking uses of electricity in games.
Electric puddles -Hitman
Bald fashion icon and Michelin Star murderer Agent 47 does a lot to earn his salary. He is so ‘strictly business’ he carries his rifles in a briefcase. But he is a creative man at heart. He can kill a man with a dead fish, or an exploding golf ball. Ian Hitman is an innovator, a disruptor. If professional murders were encouraged on Instagram in the same way as, say, loaves of artisan bread, he would post filtered photographs of finely arranged cadavers and write “#freshlydead” in the caption. One of his finest and simplest recipes calls for an electricity generator, a loose wire, and a puddle of water. Distract your target towards the puddle, turn on your generator and adjust to 1000 volts. Cook until murdered. If you wish, you canrepeat this processusing the newly cooked corpse as the distraction for the next corpse-to-be, manifesting in a comical cycle of de-lifing everyone who comes to see what all the fuss is about. Playingpeekaboo in the resultant pile of corpseslike a no-haired psychopath is optional.
Winston’s electrogun -Overwatch
Force lightning -Star Wars Jedi Knight II
Long before the newest Star Wars movie reduced the bright bolts of Sithlectric to a Palpatinian hand-me-down, like some sort of rare genetic disorder,force lightningwas a power open to any and all space Buddhists who put their twisted minds to it. That includes Jedi monkboys like noted dismemberment enthusiast Kyle Katan, hero of lightsaber ‘em up Jedi Knight II. For him, force lightning had to be attained the old-fashioned way. What happens, you see, is you stretch out your hand, and then you reach deep inside your soul, deeper than any meditative trance has ever taken you, to the profound recesses of all primordial sensation, until, listen, can you hear it, the inner-distant chimes of hidden meaning and spiritual grace, the lost essence of life, flowing like a rivulet of ancient, ornate music. Wait, is that…?
Electric axe -Dead Rising 4
This is just Thor’s hammer from the Marvel movies,but an axe. It is shocking because it is theft.
Lightning strike -Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown
To see this content please enable targeting cookies.Manage cookie settings
Taser -Yakuza 0
Great Lightning Spear -Dark Souls 3
I like the big zap. It makes me feel likeZeus from Disney’s Hercules.
Power cut -Oxygen Not Included
One Off The List from… the most annoying children
Last week we met the most potty-mouthed, infuriating younglings this side of video gamesing withthe 10 most annoying children in PC games. But one of these little brats will be spared the rod of judgement, thanks to your mercy and understanding. It’s…Hope from Final Fantasy XIII.
A surprise winner. Hope deserves to be let off the hook, according to list looker-over “Gealach”, who said he should be replaced with protagonist Vaan fromFinal Fantasy XII. “Vaan is the supposed main character of FFXII,” they say, “traipsing around in a plot that was written for the rest of the cast. Most of the story is people talking over his head and trying to come up with quests to send this kid into the next sewer. So yeah, Hope is clearly the lesser evil – because in FFXII, the annoying kid is YOU.”
A sound judgement, fellow listocrats. See you next time.
