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May day! May day! The 7 best distress calls in PC gamesOne Off The List
One Off The List
May day! May day! It’sMay Day, get it? I constructed this list of the 7 best distress calls in videogames so I could make this joke, and I refuse to back down now. Even if the 1st of May is associated with pagan spring festivities, and nothing at all to do with things going badly wrong in space or at sea. Even if the piece of radio lingo “mayday” has more to do with the French term “m’aider” than the one day per annum on which Morris dancers are allowed out of their cages. I refuse to acknowledge the longwindedness of this joke, and invite you to read this list article with a similar bullheaded attitude. You’ll enjoy it more that way.
(Warning: some spoilers for the games mentioned.)
Beacon -Alien: Isolation
A flashback to a simpler time, when everyone was putting their faces too close to extraterrestrial egg sacs and recording it on their Go Pro. Inthe beacon missionof the only good Alien videogame, you traipse across the surface of that windy planet from the movie, using chunky scanning equipment and fuzzy voice comms. It’s pure cinema in first-person. There’s a big helmet obscuring your peripheral vision, and tinkly horror sound effects that make you feel like your body is crawling with ants. And even though any Xenofan will know exactly what is about to occur, it’s still an exciting tramp through Alien backstory, complete with scummy ulterior motives. When the leader of this expedition finds out the disappeared crew of the Nostromo were already here, his first thought isn’t to find out what happened, but to turn the derelict’s beacon off so nobody else comes to claim the salvage rights. Somebody give this man a promotion.
Refugees -Rimworld
What’s this on the radio? A 19-year-old pyromaniac nudist who hates lifting heavy objects wants to join our colony? Well, we are a few hippies short of a commune after that blast of weird psychic energy from space made Karen go berserk and kill two of her direct subordinates. Sure, answer that nudist’s distress call, tell him he is welcome here any time. I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement with the three violent raiders in superstrong body armour who are chasing him. I can see a lot of good in their eyes. Their red, glowing, cybernetic eyes. What do they call themselves? “The Wasps of Cruelty”? They sound reasonable.
Lifepods -Subnautica
Robot stuck in a toilet -Hackmud
Headsets -Barotrauma
“The pump room! Get to the pump r–”
Nothing puts the fear of the deep into you like a voice crying out in panic and getting cut off faster than an itchy label on a t-shirt. In multiplayer submarine larkaboutBarotrauma, you use in-game headsets to communicate and call for help from your crewmates from across the sub’s squalid decks. And if someone suddenly stops responding, there are three possibilities:
- The headset ran out of batteries2. The room they’re in has flooded3. Something else
You do not want scenario 3. Believe me.
Broken comms -Tacoma
This is a distress call the crew really has to work for. When things go wrong onTacomastation, they go wrong in clumps. Not only have the oxygen tanks ruptured, but the comms relay is busted too, which makes sending a request for help impossible. Unless, that is, the crew can duct tape together a solution with a little algae grease and their low-key love of interpersonal drama. Eventually, thanks to a helpful AI, the truth comes out, showing that the comms aren’t broken - they’re just disabled. Who’s behind this sabotage? It’s the corporations again. Those cheeky rascals. Always pranking astronauts. Ha ha. What japes.
Distress signal -Pulsar: Lost Colony
Ah.
One Off The List from… 13 moral lessons from games
You can’t really learn to “trust but verify” inDayZ, according to list denouncer “Morlock”. For quite a simple reason too. “If a player runs in the woods,” they say, “but no one is there to meet her on the server, no such lesson can be learned.”
Well, I’ll be… Good point, well made. Until next week, fellow list creeps.
