I am going to become a battery chicken farmer in Stardew Valley

HomeFeaturesStardew Valley

I am going to become a battery chicken farmer in Stardew ValleyLegally distinct from the bird hole

Legally distinct from the bird hole

I am not a very goodStardew Valleyfarmer. Really experienced players, who take their farming seriously, they know what’s up. They make their own almanacs, they intensively farm pumpkins or sunflowers to get the best yeilds, and they know how to place sprinklers for peak watering efficiency. I do not know any of those things.

I only have one coop and four hens at the moment. They are called Mark, Jeremy, Super Hans and Johnson. There was an initial outlay, ha, but they have all more than paid for themselves at this point, because in Stardew Valley mayonnaise goes for extortionate sums compared to a simple egg. And critically my character doesn’t use up any energy in tending for the hens, because I don’t have to dig any earth or anything.

So, I am going to be a battery chicken farmer. I’m going to have to concentrate on clearing more room first, and to sustain the initial cost of coops and hens I’m going to have to keep an area where I still grow bok choi, or whatever, but eventually even that will be cleared away for more coops. I am going to become Big Chicken.

One of the white hens isn’t producing an egg every day, and I’m pretty sure it’s Super Hans. I mean, look at her.

There are considerations, however. I’m going all in as a battery farmer, for one. Sadly, Stardew Valley’s ranching system means that hens produce the most eggs when they’re happy, so I can’t make an actual misery dungeonlike the bird holeand hope to be peak productive, but I can do my best.

A couple of years back, Morgan Spurlock did a sequel to Supersize Me calledHoly Chicken, which did not involve him eating hundreds of live hens like Chronos tearing apart his young, but was in fact about him setting up a fast food chicken franchise. In it he revealed the rules in the US that govern how what makes a chicken ‘free range’, for example. They just have to have access to a tiny bit of the outdoors. Even if they never go out there, having access to it makes them free range.