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Here are 6 whole horse games you could buy for the same price as Diablo 4’s £6.39 horse armourJoin me on a journey into the strange world of cheap horse games on Steam
Join me on a journey into the strange world of cheap horse games on Steam
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun
Like lots of people in the RPS Treehouse right now, I’ve been squeezing in bits ofDiablo 4around the variousSummer Game Feststreams happening this week. I’m having a decent, if mildly monotonous time so far, mostly because I haven’t unlocked all myDruid’s abilities just yet, but I’m keen to keep going with it, mostly because I just like turning into a bear and a wolf every three seconds to whack some evil skelly boys, innit. When I was logging off the other day, though, I had a fleeting glance atDiablo 4’s shop. Not to actually buy anything, I should stress. I’m not one for cosmetics in any shape or form. But I just wanted to see what ludicrous things it was trying to sell me for real human money. And one item for sale was, of course, some fancy horse armour, and it cost six English pounds and thirty nine pence. £6.39! For a mangey rope bridle and a bone dagger on its side! (You can see it in the header image up top there). Ridiculous, I exclaimed, and promptly shut down my PC.
The next morning, I was talking about this daft bit of armour with the RPS Treehouse when Alice0 suddenly introduced me to the weird and wonderful world of cheap horse games on Steam. After all, why spend upwards of £6 on a pointless cosmetic item when you could feasibly put that money toward 6 whole horse games that have actuallydozensof horses in them? So join me as we discover how many horse games you can buy on Steam for the same price as Diablo 4’s horse armour.
Diablo 4 - Which Class Is Best?Watch on YouTube
Diablo 4 - Which Class Is Best?
I should stress, I’m not advocating people actually buy these horse games. I have not played them, nor can I vouch for their quality. This is merely an exercise in how far you can stretch your money, and also to go on a fun deep dive in a corner of Steam you may not have visited before.
Here are my findings, based on the highly scientific method of searching for the word “horse” in Steam’s search engine.
Horse Rally Racing- 79p
Image credit:Enaayah Software Development
Riding Horse School- 33p
Image credit:Atomic Fabrik
Far Away Horse- 79p
Image credit:Mulligan
You have a single task in Far Away Horse. Walk until you reach its titular far away horse. That’s it. That’s the game. The developers say: “You might be thinking to yourself “Surely the horse couldn’t be that far away! Well guess what. It is!” And if walking endlessly to achieve some far off, maybe slightly pointless goal isn’t 100% emblematic of the Diablo experience, I don’t know what is. Best of all, we still have £4.48 to spend on more horse games.
Cruise Ship Horse Racing- 89p
Cruise Ship Horse Racing - Game Release TrailerWatch on YouTube
Cruise Ship Horse Racing - Game Release Trailer
The trailer is absolutely worth watching for this one, if only for the brilliant line: “100 years ago cruise ship travel was boring, or WAS IT?” In this wonderfully impossible cruise ship, you’re able to place bets, make wagers and race horses on a full-blown grass track (complete with hedges, trees and an audience stand) that’s presumably located next to the all you can eat buffet and bottomless swimming pool deep inside the ship’s belly. And your prize is some wonderful horse artwork. Instantly better than horse armour, wouldn’t you say? And we’ve still got £3.59 to spend on more games.
Arrowpoint- 79p
Image credit:Spotted Zebra Software
Most of the screenshots for Arrowpoint involve a cowboy man riding a very bored looking horse down a narrow canyon shooting at targets with a bow and arrow. Your classic onrails shooter fare, it would seem. But then… But THEN. Look at that mad whale boy carving up the sky above, there? Arrowpoint has suddenly become the western cousin ofDeath Stranding, and I’m 100% here for it. Heck, this came out in 2017. This wasbeforeDeath Stranding, and thus the only plausible conclusion we can possibly draw from this whole situation is that Kojima must have played Arrowpoint, loved it, and thought, ‘Yeah, I’m having that whale in my game as well, mate.’ Clearly, he was onto something here, as was Alec (RPS in peace), whoclocked it on release as well.
Wildlife Park 2 - Horses- £2.79
Image credit:B-Alive GMBH
I have £2.80 left to spend now, and I’m going to blow it all on the 2007 classic Wildlife Park 2 - Horses. There are dozens more 79/89 pencers I could list here that are vaguely horse-themed, but let’s face it, the promise of “16 breeds of horses and varied missions” is simply too good to ignore here. As well as managing your horse farm, you’ll need to take your horses out riding to complete missions, and build up your farm to create the perfect wildlife park. I bet these ranchers would positively scoff at the idea of spending £6.39 on a tatty bit of rope accessories. That simply won’t do inthiswildlife park, lemme tell you.
And the free ones…
Really, there is an actual bottomless pit of horse games when you go looking for them, especially if you start going down the free-to-play route with games such asHorse Riding Tales,Horse Farm,Horse Reality,My Strong Horseand the free prologue demo for upcoming horse stable simulatorHorse Shelter 2022.
So keep fighting the good fight, horse games. You’ll get your due one day.
